This fall weather is bringing in the cooler weather and this Hunnybuns of ours is Lovin' it. I, on the other hand am having conflicting emotions. Christmas music (yes... can you believe it's happening already?), hot chocolate, holiday parades, mall Santa's, etc. I was rocking all of these festive activities last year with my baby bump. That was such a different life, even the thought of it feels unreal.
Now, my infant-turned-competent-girl is running wild and happily living her simple life. We took her to the park and as soon as her 3'' long feet hit the grass, she was gone. Flapping her hands while having one foot in front of the other. She is a total doll. These past few weeks, my little girl has taken hold of every corner in my heart. She's been teething her molars, feeling miserable from her 4 shots, and survived a snotty cold/fever. And the beauty of it all? The cuddles have finally arrived. Little miss independent has never allowed me to rock her to sleep in my arms. But these past few weeks have changed all of that. She has needed my love, my affection, my safety. I never imagined my heart to feel so entirely vulnerable. She owns it. And I see in the not-so-distant future that she needs me to be so much more for her. So strong, confident, patient with her, and loving ... unconditionally, of course. I'm weak at the idea of being so much that clearly I'm not.
But my mind and heart feels a little less burdened, some how, because I know that my Savior can make me all that I am not, become all that I could never have dreamed to be. He is a magnifier. He can stretch and bless my faith to be enough.
I feel overwhelmed more often than I'd like to admit. I feel tired, impatient, I doubt myself, I doubt my Heavenly Father, and so many other shameful but reoccurring emotions. But I am being taught that my Savior chooses to love me anyways. He has faith in me and my desires to be a good mother. He is teaching me how to trust Him. And I feel blessed that He is teaching me how to become like Him. I see my old self unravelling in to the woman He needs me to be. Way too slowly, I assure you. But I feel the cleansing happening. As long as I ask, I can trust that He will show me.
Peter 1:2 "...Grace unto you, and peace, be multiplied."
Yours truly, Me