Growing Pains

Sigh. I can hardly believe it. My itty-bitty newborn is 10 weeks old today. Somehow we have entered into double digit territory. I'm diggin' each new phase she enters but am sad to wave goodbye to the newborn-ness.

Here we are at 10 weeks and she is full of sugar and spice. This girl keeps me on my toes all day long! I don't honestly know what I used to do with my time. These past ten weeks Savannah and I have figured each other out pretty well. She was sleeping 10-11 hours each night and had developed a wonderful 3-4 hour schedule.

Our supportive family and friends came for Savannah's blessing

UM... up until 2 weeks ago.

Savannah decided her mild temperament was getting a bit cliche. Day after day was the same old consistent naptime, feed time, and play time. Getting all the rest she needed to be giggly and simply the most awesome baby around. Yeah, I can see how that would wear on a baby. Say what?!
To say that this past week has been rough would be a gross understatement. Savannah would have long stretches of just being seemingly inconsolable, which has been so out of character for her. I would roll over to my phone and see 1:30/3:30am instead of 7:00am next to the screaming baby monitor. The usual 4oz feedings turned into only 1-2oz that were met by pursed lips, spit-up and a mischievous grin or an upset cry. It was tiring. We're still working through the feeding issues. As of yesterday, the good days far outnumber the bad days as long as I forget that she woke up EVERY hour last night only to finally begin our day by releasing a shrieking scream at 5am.
Her amazing cheeks and sweet personality make it all worth while to lose my beauty sleep and sanity. Good heavens, I love this baby girl.

She loves the attention

With this gorgeous spring weather, I love to take her on errands and I may find myself pushing her stroller for a few hours each sunny day. Our favorite hot spots? Grocery store, strolling through the shops at the outdoor Firewheel Mall, or through our beautiful neighborhood. I can tell already that we make a really great shopping team.

Grant and Savannah on their Blessing Sunday

Most thrilling event this week? Rolling my stroller onto the escalators in Dillards. This wasn't an umbrella stroller, mind you. Things couldn't have felt more wrong once my humongous travel system stroller was moving up onto the escalator. And I'm pretty sure that should not be allowed and that's what the elevators are obviously used for. Of course, that was a thought that ran through my mind after the fact. It was an especially humbling moment -- riding those escalators while looking like the biggest mistake for a mother. DANGit.

She is packing on the pounds and outgrowing her newborn clothes by the minute! She is recognizing faces and voices, and this girl loves her daddy.
All day long I'll make incredibly goofy smiles and squeals while receiving the most awesome toothless grins. Hunnybuns has seen sides of my personality and singing voice that no one will ever meet. I'll find myself feeling very raw and real. I can't believe how blessed I am to share with her my unreserved love, excitement, fears and concerns. I just can't wait until her grins turn into full belly laughs.
I'm working on adjusting to her ever changing schedule, figuring out how to balance everything, and taking it one day at a time.

Lunch date with Grandma and Grammie

Postpartum life at 10 weeks is going great! I slowly started back on the elliptical just shy of 3 weeks. I'm doing a mix of yoga, zumba, and running 3-4x week. I got back to my pre-pregnancy weight fairly quickly (thank goodness!) and I completely owe it to healthy eating, portion control, exercise and NOT 'eating for two' during my pregnancy. Okay, I take that back. I ate more than my fair share of McDoubles. Ironically, I've only had one burger since Hunnybuns birth and it tasted nasty. It was awful. As in, I couldn't even finish it which is a rare act of mine considering my mental psych won't let me leave a plate until its cleared. I'm confident we'll hook back up next pregnancy. Although the weight is off, I still have loose skin and abs. But I definitely feel like "me" again!
In the mean time, I'm just counting my blessings and am feeling so grateful to get to spend every day with this 10-week old love of my life.

Yours truly, Me

Savannah Finds Her Voice!

Completely absorbed in delicious babyness. 

The snuggles. The unsure grunts when she's having her diaper changed. High and low-pitched coo's. The incredibly adorable attempts to laugh by spewing out forced coughs. 

And my new favorite - after waking up, she'll see my figure and her eyes will scan up towards my face. After a moment she'll spill a huge grin. It's not fair how often she steals my heart.

So in love.

Yours truly, Me

Hearts that Pitter-Patter

As of lately, I've been contemplating my life and how it has changed with having a pretty pair of eyes and chubby toes join my world. 

My thoughts trace back to waking up to mornings that should have begun with a yummy lunch. Exciting evenings made up of spontaneous movies and delicious foodie cravings. Double dates-without the baby sling and Hooter Hider. Sitting in church. 
Yep, that's it... simply sitting in church.
Or life prior to the baby monitor taking its role as my official alarm clark.  When the nursery was a spare room filled with storage boxes and junk. Before I had killer biceps yet regrettably still unnoticeable.
If I rewind to last year when my mom mentioned to me something I'll never forget and still causes my eyes to gloss over and a lump to take over my throat. It was when I was starting a new fertility med.

"Oh, the things we do just to hear the pitter-patter of little feet."

When I was pregnant with Savannah, many friends and strangers would pass out unsolicited thoughts on becoming a  new mom. "Enjoy your life now while you still have it! Forget the malls and shops. Forget the baths and showers. Being perfectly made-up with hair and make-up on? Forget it! Dinner on the table? In your husbands' dreams. Pretty much say goodbye to everything you are because your life is over!"
Yikes! If that isn't encouraging for an expectant mother to hear, I don't know what is!
Life after Savannah has changed alright. But it was anything but those awful and negative predictions.
Don't get me wrong. It's not ALL smiles. It's not easy. I'm definitely busier now with feedings and entertaining and cooking and cleaning all of which while trying to look pretty cute for my Mister. But it's a choice I'm willing to make. And I think it's just that. A choice to make it how we want to see it. I didn't lose my former life. Neither has my relationship with amc taken an extreme backseat to this new babe in our home. 
Rather, she's added to it. 
Savannah has made life more whole. Filling voids that I didn't know were there. Being her mama has caused me to feel more complete. More confident in my purpose on this earth. More grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and its beautiful principle that families can really be together forever. Not to mention, an awesome repertoire of primary songs. I have a lame soprano voice but she doesn't seem to mind. 
Motherhood just feels good to me.
I absolutely ADORE Valentines Day! Always have. Always will. There's just something to say about spreading the love and affection with the special ones who hold your heart. I've always told amc that I sorta really don't care for flowers. I mean, I was always taken away from the house by school or work. I never had the chance to really enjoy them, ya know? 
Until yesterday. While I was driving to the store to pick up some canvas prints of Savannah's newborn photos(Eek! They look beautiful!) and a few ingredients for our Valentine's dinner and I noticed the car next to me while I was at a red light. Inside the car was HUGE vase of gorgeous red roses. I'm pretty sure I audibly giggled after which was followed by a loud, "Awwww!" Sitting next the red beauties was sheepishly-excited hubby. I was so excited for that special wife of his. Someone was begging for a sessy kiss! 
And then, in that moment, I thought to myself "Ya know? Flowers are nice. I mean, really nice." I kinda-sorta-wish amc was aware of this sudden change in heart that I was having. Oh well! I was looking forward to my only request from him, a much needed massage! After finishing up my errands, I walk in through the door with armful's of groceries (remember my killer biceps?) and I see my Valentine, home early from school. He was dressed up in the sexiest slacks with a gorgeous bouquet of roses and lilies accompanied by our lovely man, Sinatra. 
He was home to help me make our Valentines Dinner.
He's all mine?! What a stud. I'm seriously in love.

Filet Mignon. Homemade Macaroni and Cheese. Caesar Salad. 

Easiest V-day goodie to whip up!

"Daddy's Sweetheart" 

Her onesie couldn't be more adorably fitting.

Cheers! To my two Valentines...

Yours truly, Me

Movin' like a Baby

Life with Savannah simply gets better and better.

With each new day, it's the smallest movements and gestures that are bringing about the most joy in my new life as her mama. Sometimes, I'll get lucky enough to snap a photo or video clip of a flashing smile or a darling 'coo' that melts my soul. I'm finding it easier to indulge in recognizing and cherishing the moment. 

Yesterday, Hunnybuns and I were having a super exciting one-sided conversation together when she suddenly awakened and wanted to share the love. Her eyes met mine and she just let loose on all things lovely and adorable. I about died. And when I thought my heart couldn't take this squeeze...she kept going! My hands scrambled to find my phone. Amc would love to see his little one throwing around so many smiles and coo's . 

After almost getting lost in the worry of catching it on camera, 

I 

just. 

let. 

go. 

I wanted to fully appreciate and lose myself in this moment with her. And oooh...I was overcompensated on the return. I felt a beautiful and cleansing feeling. As I stared into her eyes, I dwelt on the reality that not too long ago this little love of mine was with her Heavenly Father. And when I wondered if she had ever felt excited to come here to earth and join our family, my heart ached with a spirit of gratitude as she returned another wide-mouth grin. I died again. I made a promise to myself to always appreciate the small things with those that I love most. 

I never know when this moment may be my last.

Here's to loving the small moments with our Savannah Jane.

(Expand the clip by clicking on the title and then the lower right button)

Yours truly, Me

6 Weeks

Hunnybuns 1 month photo! I'm kinda super excited to repeat these photos each month!

Wow. How is it possible that just over a month ago ago, I was in my hospital bed cuddling this little lady in my arms. Those first few days after her birth will forever hold a few of the most tender moments of my life. Time goes by so slowly when you're expecting, but once they're here it doesn't slow down!

1. We have officially moved into size 1 diapers. I've been subconsciously avoiding this step despite amc's persistence. Yes... she may or may not have had a few diaper blow-outs to validate ditching the cute newborns' size. 
2. I L.O.V.E. going shopping and running errands with my little woman. Now, why is that? My Moby wrap! Amc tagged along with us on our last shopping trip and he insisted it would be much easier to leave her in the car seat. I told him that he should have stayed home. But, I reluctantly agreed. I totally pouted all throughout the store. Not in the obnoxious way... but by way of letting him know that clearly I was missing out on a bonding moment with my daughter. Bless his heart, he took her out of the car seat and placed her into my awesome 5 yards of stretching goodness! He loves me.
3. Speaking of that man of mine. You know what melts my heart? Catching this man singing sweet lullabies to his baby girl. The other love his life. And he never lets her forget it.
4. Our favorite things about her little body? Delicious cheeks. Chunky double chin. Awesome 2'' long, dark hair. She gets it all from her mama. Chunk and all. yum!
5. I'm her bodily functions' biggest cheerleader! Passing gas and the most awesome burps definitely extracts high pitch squeals and loads of 'good job Hunnybuns!!'

Playtime with her cousins Parker and Grant. No really, she's having so much fun.

On our way to church. She was a total champ.

Ohmygoodness. I just want to pinch her cheeks off!

Yours truly, Me

Savannah's Birth Story

Good gracious... Can someone freeze this moment? 

...What I would give to soak up this moment again and again.

Hunnybuns' due date was set for January 1st. Buuuuut, time was pressed with the return of the school semester and having family in town for only a few short days. With the help of our awesome OB, we scheduled to get induced a few days earlier. 

Tuesday, Dec. 27

6:00pm- Induction day! Freaked out? Not at all. I was ready for our Savannah Jane to be outside of my belly and snuggled into my arms. 

We grabbed some dinner with my entire family at BJ's. I indulged in more slices of the Chicken Alfreado Pizza than I'd like to admit especially considering I had already scarfed the meal I had ordered and moved on to amc's pizza oozing with deliciousness. Case and point. Don't offer to share with me if you're hungry.

9:00pm- When we arrived at the hospital, I was checked at 1cm (3 weeks goin' strong!) and 0% effaced. I changed into my gown and got hooked up to an IV and an absurd amount of monitors. The monitors around my belly showed contractions of moderate strength coming every 5 minutes. I had a feeling that this would be an exciting waiting game. And so, with full bellies and the unknown of how long this labor might take, both amc and I decided get some rest while we still had the chance. 

10:00pm- My nurse, Amber, placed Cervidil onto my cervix to speed along the softening.

12:00am- Amber checked my cervix and didn't feel any progress. Super. Not a problem, we're just two hours in to this shindig. She then started me on an oral pill called Cytotec to induce stronger contractions.

12:30am-Another dose of Cytotec.

2:30am-Goodie! More Cytotec.

4:30am-Amber checked and found no progress. She did mention that my cervix felt very agitated. Ya think? More Cytotec.

6:30am-By this point, my contractions were coupling on top of each other. A special thankyou shout-out to Cytotec. The contractions were manageable. Amber checked me again and couldn't tell if there was any progress. I saw her hands... she had short and stubby fingers. Boo. She had her supervisor come in to re-check me and but I was still 1 cm. My Dr. needed my contractions to spread further apart before we could begin Pitocin. 

9:00am-Amc pulled out the laptop and we started watching a Netflix favorite called Flashpoint while I snacked on some ice chips. By then, I had made 10+ trips to the ladies room where amc would help me waddle over towards. Throughout the entire night, amc woke up with me and stayed by my side to help untangle and unhook me from all of the monitors. He deserves some sort of ''Rockin' Husby'' medal. Maybe he'll be happy with a baby girl? Otherwise, he can bare the next one.

10:00am-My contractions finally began to spread further apart from one another. Now, they were only coming every 2-3 minutes. Still manageable. The nurse started the Pitocin through the IV.

10:30am-Amc's entire family had driven into town the night prior and spent the night at our house. They made a short visit to the hospital to see us before Savannah was born. It was great to see everyone! I ended up laughing my way through a lot of contractions. Sounds nice. Not actually recommended. I must have had a few attention-grabbing contractions by the end of the visit when Keith shuffled the party out. 

11:50am-At this point, my contractions were coming every minute. One minute of an excruciating shrill of pain that wrapped around my stomach to my back. I couldn't think. I couldn't speak. I could only close my eyes and breathe through each awful contraction. After a contraction I would have a minute of recovery. Sigh... It was a blissful minute. I tried standing and would rock my hips back and forth in an effort relieve the pain in my back during the contractions. It was calming. You know... the type of calming that a few bath salts would do to sooth 2 blown off legs. The pain was deep and consuming. Amc sat on the bed with me and somehow he seemed to know when each contraction came. He'd wrap his arms around my back and press hard into the muscles. I don't recall if it relieved any pain... But hindsight, it was a tender time for us while alone in that hospital room together.

Annie took her sweet time while checking my cervix for the umpteenth time but she still couldn't tell if I had progressed. This was a different nurse than the one I mentioned earlier who also had a difficult time with her short, stubby fingers. She felt awful about it. And so, she had another nurse come in to help check me who had hands as long as an angel. I could have kissed her! Until she had me prop my tailbone up onto a flipped-upside-down bed pan. UGH. Ever since I was 8 weeks pregnant, my lower sacrum has consistently had sharp pains. Combine my tender sacrum that is now shooting an unbearable pain met by another contraction that's wrapping around my core all of which while having a hand inserted into my agitated cervix...  

 I cried. 

Sobbed, actually. 

I was so overcome by pain. I had been laboring for over 14 hours and I had reached my breaking moment. Contractions off the charts. And I was only 2 cm.

12:40pm-The anesthesiologist came in and essentially said, "Okay, bend your ginormous belly over while touching your head to your knees all of which while staying still during those 4 awful contractions while I shove a super long needle through your spine." At one point, I remember the lidocaine being injected, blood pressure cuff squeezing the life out of my arm and a contraction coming on while I was essentially hunched over into the fetal position. All I could do was laugh at myself.
   But that was a blessed, blessed epidural. Not too long afterwards I could feel the contractions lessening so that I wasn't consumed with the pain. I knew that sleeeeep was in my future!

1:00pm- Catheter in. Dilated to 3 cm. Annie had me lay on my side with my leg elevated to help with Savannah's dipping heart rate.

3:00pm- Annie came in to flip my body over because she had noticed another dip in Savannah's heart rate. Hallelujah!!! My water had broken! 4 cm.
4:00pm- My mom arrived at the hospital! Yay!

5:45pm- Progressed to a 7-8 cm.
6:35pm- I started to feel a ton of pressure down low. I allowed for about 45 minutes before I mentioned it to the nurse. I didn't want to begin pushing before my body was very ready (Thank you Brittany T!)
7:20pm- No cervix and fully dilated!

Morning sickness--my 9 month sidekick--decided to creep back into the picture as soon as I flipped onto my back to do a couple rounds of pushing. Vomited a few times. It was great.

The NICU nurse came in and had nurse Amber put internal monitors on Savannah's head. Her heart rate was dropping dangerously low and in distress while in between contractions. It was as is if she was holding her breathe after each contraction. My doctor came in and said we needed to speed the delivery along with the help of using the vacuum suction.

Pushing was incredible. I was suddenly outside myself. I wanted so badly to suppress the nausea while I was feeling my baby moving down. I could feel the sweet love for her that I had been developing for 9 months climaxing to unbearable levels. My mom said that her head was crowning! She was so close and I needed to see her. NOW. Only 2 sets of contractions/pushes. Tears swelled up in my eyes. I could feel her slide out of my body.

I was overwhelmed with the love I felt. I cried in pure bliss. All I could think and say was of how beautiful she was. This was the little girl of my dreams. My answered prayer. Any pain I had felt on our journey to receive her was completely forgotten. She was in my arms now. And she is mine forever.

Yours truly, Me

Showers for our Princess

These were all such special days! My baby showers kind of felt like my bridal shower all over again...only 3.5 yrs later celebrating a whole new chapter of my life! With the help from my fabulous mother-in-law, my dear friends Becky and Emily, hosted a beautiful shower in Vidor, TX.

These girls came up with some cute and clever games. 

Elizabeth nailed my baby bump to the exact centimeter. I have to give her credit for knowing her bellies...she's sported the bump 5 times.

I received a precious tiny pearl bracelet from my cousin Priscilla. I felt a lump form in my throat as my eyes glazed over. This was definitely a "holy crap, I'm going to have a baby" moment.

I love these women so much!

Church

The women in my ward at church planned a beautiful shower! Jill, Vernice, and Stacy were the creators behind the scene. I spend most of my time at church working with the younger girls in Primary which left me surprised with how many women arrived to celebrate with me! 

And those gorgeous wooden blocks adorned with dusty rose pink, cream and a soft grey scrapbook paper and vinyl lettering?!! LOVE. That was all Jill and Stacy! They'll look beautiful on a shelf in Savannah's nursery.

The girls outdid themselves with the foods & desserts, the decoration & detail.

A snapshot of a few of the girls chatting

Work

Going into work each day was great due to these sweet & lovely ladies. On my last day,  they each gave a few gifts for Savannah. I'm so excited to go visit them at work to show Savannah off!

My talented & creative cousin, Marissa, made this beautiful charm bracelet with pink pearls. It's gorgeous! She also sells these on Etsy and you'll find a variety of them for purchase at CocoBaby Jewelry. These would make a great gift! I'm so excited for her to wear it at her baby blessing!

Cousin's

Since my sister-in-law Brittany and I have nearly the same due dates we had a joint Packard cousin shower luncheon at Olive Garden.

Such beautiful girls!

I am in LOVE with this hand-sewn quilt that Dianne Scott made for Savannah! The colors & design. It is simply gorgeous. 

Baby Grant made his arrival only 23 hours after Savannah. 

There was so much love surrounding me and so many people encouraging me in this journey. Moments like these I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of thankfulness for the women in my life. Savannah is going to be one loved baby girl.

Yours truly, Me

Week 37: My Pregnancy Diary

Reaching the full-term milestone felt so good. There came a major sense of relief in knowing that she'll be relatively healthy if she decides to come early.

How Big is The Baby?
All of my pregnancy apps, books, and emails tell me what fruit/vegetable my baby resembles each week... well they've all officially given up. Either they are repeating themselves or they continue to compare her to a watermelon. So I really just think it's safe to say, at this point, she's BIG!

How I'm Changing?

I am GINORMOUS! Seriously, I can't believe how much my belly has popped within these last few weeks. Sometimes I forget just how big it is until i open a door straight into it or catch a glance of myself in our bathroom mirrors. Truly mind boggling how drastically the human body can change. 

For nearly 8 weeks, my belly was measuring as if I were 28 weeks. And then, 2 weeks ago, I measured like 32 weeks. And this past week I measured like 35 weeks! Throughout this entire time, we could see through the ultrasounds that little Savannah's weight was always ahead of the game. WEIRD. Her last ultrasound at 36 weeks showed her legs to be measuring nearly 4 weeks ahead of the rest of her body while weighing 6.5lbs! My bruised ribcage will have no problem confirming this.

How I'm Feeling?
The main issue right now is SLEEP. I am well aware that sleep will be at a premium once she makes her arrival and so I was really hoping to avoid entering mommy-hood as a sleep deprived zombie. The problem is, I'm having major pregnancy-induced insomnia, sinus trouble, and a ridiculous amount of urine output. Pleasant, I know. I'm sorry. Because of this, when I sleep I end up having to sleep with my mouth hanging wide open. It is insanely attractive, I assure you. Since I can only breathe through my mouth, after 30 minutes of sleep, I wake up completely dehydrated and scrambling for my trusty insulated water cup that I keep at my bedside. I then chug said water cup and make a trip to the ladies room. Thirty minutes later I get up now needing to pee again. Chug said water. At this point, the insomnia has kicked in and so has Savannah's playtime on my bladder.
See the cycle? Can't breathe. Open mouth. Excessively dry mouth. Chug water. Excessive urination. Savannah's playtime. Insomnia. Can't breathe...
It goes on all.night.long. Eventually by around 3:30 or so I think I just get so exhausted that I just pass out and sleep through the dehydration and bladder triggers. So needless to say, sleep is very minimal and interrupted and not the highlight of my day. Beyond that, there are a few other symptoms that have me feeling like this third trimester is very reminiscent of the first one. The morning sickness is back with it's full force and leaves me with tiny broken blood vessels on my face. My fatigue will reach it's maximum when I try to bake a meal or run errands for too long, while also leaving my lower back hating me for the rest of the evening.

As of lately, my sweet amc has had to have a few heart-to-heart talks with me about relaxing my body and mind. I have felt the nesting surge come and I don't think I have handled it very well. I have to be honest here. A few weeks ago, I realized that I was beginning to feel something else. Scared. I had gotten to this point of pregnancy where I'm suddenly thinking things like "holy crap I'm seriously having a baby." You would think it wouldn't take 9 months to realize this but I had to cut myself some slack and understand that this resurgence of anxiety is normal towards the very end.

I have done a lot of research and read quite a few books and am no longer worried about childbirth or labor anymore--I feel totally ready (or as ready as I can be) for the process. It's more of what happens afterwards...
I'm going to have a baby. And then I'll take her home. And no one is going to tell me what to do next. I guess my worries weren't focused on having the baby but more about being a parent. Someday this baby will be five years old. I can't even wrap my head around that right now.

I'm doing my best to soak up these last few weeks, and feeling a bit more emotional that this part of the journey is coming to an end. Despite the sickness and the aches, and all the other strange things that accompany pregnancy, I have really really loved being pregnant. Often times, during my insomnia moments, I'll find myself in tears when I imagine the moment that Savannah will arrive into our arms. My heart feels touched at the miracle of developing a child within me. It's difficult to put into words the gratitude that I feel to be a part of bringing a baby girl into this world. Inviting her into the family that Aaron and I have built here together. I feel blessed for having a Savior that allows families to be together eternally.

I know all of the changes will be for the better, and I know there will be good days and there will be hard days. As the end draws closer and closer, I am becoming very aware that my world is going to change in incredible ways. I have watched this video a few times this week and have cried my way through it each time.

My favorites are "it's okay to be scared" and "you are the expert." And when I was scared, I was really just scared of the wondering and the what if's. Amc helped re-focus me into putting all of that energy into giving our little girl the best life we can give her.

What I'm working on most these days is just feeling mentally and emotionally prepared now. Doing yoga, reading pregnancy related books, and just generally trying to feel really peaceful and calm going into this final process. As a naturally anxious person, my instincts are to worry and obsess over details, but I've been working really hard these past few months to overcome all of that and simply live in the moment as it happens. I can honestly say that I feel more calm and excited than I do nervous or scared.

More nursery progress bit by bit, and I should have a final nursery update in the next week to share with ya'll! I am so excited!

Odds and Ends:
Total weight gained: 25 pounds
Gestational age: 37w 5d
Doctor appointment news: 1/2 cm dilated
Items washed: 0-6 month clothes and sheets
Signs of labor: zero
Maternity photos: Didn't they turn out fabulously?! Check out her site HERE

Yours truly, Me